Jade the Flower

I am Jade the flower.
I am vibrant,
And beautiful,
Happy and alive,
Imperfect,
Brave,
Elegant,
Goofy,
Exciting
And
Brilliant.
I like politics,
And coffee.
I know how to pick out a good book.
I'd much rather have a pair of Levis,
Than a pair of designer anythings.
I love cowboy boots,
And acoustic guitars,
And feeling acrylic paint gush
Between my fingers.

I lose in love terribly,
And often.

I rebuild myself
With lofthouse cookies
And bubble baths.

I have OCD,
And must have everything in it's place...
I deliberately keep a messy room,
Just to deny the severity of my disorder.

And sometimes, it makes it hard to sleep at night-
Do to the clutter,
And chaos.

I have a hard time embracing myself...
But would like to as a new years resolution.

I wear a size ten.
And I feel prettier than when
I wore a size four.

I have a great butt.
I really do.
But you'd never know it-
Because I don't wear anything that fits.

I'd rather be comfortable.

I dream of having two english bulldogs
Someday-
A boy and a girl.
Fred and Ethel.

Sometimes,
I have dreams
Where I am naked in public places,
And it makes me
Wish...
I could be naked in a public place.

I could live off of chocolate milk.
And when I had my wisdom teeth
Taken out-
I did for three days.

I have been in the love that they write
Books about.
And even that heartbreak...
Was worth the world to me.

I have said "I love you,"
And lied so well-
That even I believed it.

I have been a bitch.
And said horrible things-
That no one should ever hear,
That would make your hair curl;
That would make time stop.

I believe in homeland defense.
And I would vote Bush over Obama.

I hate Nutsi Pelosi,
And The Beatles.
And liars.

I have accepted that my father and I
Will never be friends,
But that's okay-
Because I have my Poppy,
And he's more of a man then
Ten of the strongest,
Smartest,
Men combined.

Sometimes,
I get a wild hair-
And want to join the Marines
And go to war.

I would fight if drafted,
I would want a flamethrower.

I am 5'2
And I'm shaped like a boy.

But I always smell
Like the deepest breaths of Autumn-
Like home.
Amber, and Japanese Cherry Blossom.

I love fancy boxer shorts.
And socks.
And pajamas-

And I hate the word
"Panties"
It is such a pansy word.

I love Christ like a friend.
We've been through everything together.
I believe,
You can sit in church your whole life
And never know God.
I found Christ,
Under a quilt;
While I was in the fetal position.
I find Christ,
In every brush stroke;
In my back yard.

We've fought together.
We've cried together.
We've celebrated together.
And in everything-
He is my savior.

I like to gamble.
But I'm bad at it.
I used to gamble with Kyle.
But that was before it
Happened.

It being the best thing that ever happened to me.

I've found cutting losses
Helps growth
And silence has more power
Than bullets.

I will run for governor someday.
And if God wills-
I will win.

And when I do...
I won't live in the Governor's mansion,
But out in the country-
In a house,
With a tin roof-
A wrap around porch...
And the smell of him to
To wrap up in.

That's another thing.
I love him.
And he doesn't see me yet-

But he will.
I'm not one of those girls...
But I am Jade the flower.
And that's all I ever want to be.